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How to set a wedding date
— what date selection actually does
Wedding date selection means choosing within the dates the venue has available. Do it the other way around and it almost always fails. And when both families disagree, the realistic approach is to narrow things down by just avoiding what needs to be avoided.
In this article 5 topics
Venue first, or date selection first?
The short answer: the venue comes first. More precisely, the range of dates you can book comes first.
Popular venues' spring and autumn weekends book up a year in advance. If you pick out a good day first and then look for a venue, it usually fails. On the other hand, if you get a list of available dates first and choose from within it, it's much easier.
- Settle on a rough time frameSeason, year and preparation time. Agree on just this much with both families.
- Get available dates from candidate venuesUsually 3–5 candidate venues give you 10–20 dates.
- Select a date from that listThis is where Saju comes in. The candidates are already narrowed down, so the decision is quick.
- Share the result with both families — with your reasoning"We chose from among these dates" goes over much better than "Let's go with this day."
What wedding date selection looks at
A wedding is about two people coming together, so the angle is a little different from other date selection.
What to avoid — this is 80% of it
- Days that clash head-on with the bride's or groom's zodiac animal — Rat↔Horse, Ox↔Sheep, Tiger↔Monkey, Rabbit↔Rooster, Dragon↔Dog, Snake↔Pig
- Days that coincide with major events for the elders of either family — things like ancestral rites or death anniversaries. In practice, these cause more problems than Saju does.
- Some families also pay attention to years that fall in Samjae. But Samjae lasts three years, so avoiding all of it pushes the timing back a lot. In practice, many compromise by avoiding just the first year, entering Samjae.
What to choose
Among the remaining candidates, days with a Direct Officer or Direct Resource tone are seen favorably. Their nature of settling in properly and being filled up suits a wedding. On the other hand, days like Hurting Officer, when words can turn sharp, aren't chosen for big occasions if it can be helped.
A word on seasons — the saying "spring and autumn are best" has more to do with practical reasons than Saju. It's easier for guests to travel, outdoor photos come out well and clothing is comfortable. By the same token, cost and competition are at their highest. Quotes definitely come down in December–February and July–August.
When the two families disagree
What's really hard about date selection isn't Saju but people. It's very common for one family's chosen day to differ from the other's.
Here are some approaches that help.
- Talk about "days to avoid," not "good days"Good days differ by standard, so you can't reach agreement. Days to avoid, on the other hand, mostly overlap. Collect just the days to avoid from both sides, remove them, and you'll have candidates left.
- Settle on one standardIf you mix results from several places, they're bound to conflict. The right order is to agree first on whose standard you'll go by.
- Decide who has the final sayIn the end, the two of you set the date. Take advice, but decide in advance where the final vote lies.
If the date is already set
If the venue deposit has been paid or the invitations have gone out, it's better not to dig any further.
If you keep searching whether a day you can't change is lucky or unlucky, all you're left with is anxiety. It's far more useful to put that energy into what to take care of on the day.
That's what Mutal Unnie does in this situation, too. Instead of saying whether a saved date is "good or bad," it tells you the evening before what tone the day carries and what's worth preparing for. For example, if it's a tone in which words can come out too strong, it might suggest pausing for a beat at the family greeting.
A date that's set — make the most of it
Add your wedding date and the D-day countdown and that day's rhythm are free; the evening-before briefing is unlocked with Full Care.
Get the app for iPhone & AndroidFAQ
When should we do wedding date selection?
Right after you get the venue's available dates. Popular venues' spring and autumn weekends book up a year in advance, so if you do date selection first and then look for a venue, you usually can't get that date.
Is it bad to marry during Samjae (a traditional three-year caution period)?
Samjae lasts three years, so avoiding all of it pushes your timing back a lot. Even traditionally, rather than treating the whole period as taboo, many families only take care in the first year, entering Samjae (deul-samjae). Checking first how seriously each family takes it helps reduce conflict.
Whose Saju is the reference — the groom's or the bride's?
Traditionally there was a custom of going by the bride's side, but it isn't absolute. Realistically, the most practical method is to rule out only the days that are a direct clash for either of you.
What if our compatibility reading comes out badly?
Compatibility is information about where you fit well and where you're likely to clash, not a tool for deciding whether to marry. Mutal Unnie never makes definitive or frightening judgments about a relationship based on compatibility — it's for knowing where you're likely to clash so you can prepare.